


The Carta Will Kill Me Yet

by Cartadwarfwithaheartofgold (manka)



Series: How to Win a Losing Hand: One-Shots from the Love Story of Varric Tethras and Maria Cadash (Canon Dragon Age Setting) [7]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: And Maria is sick of the whole thing, Assassination Attempt(s), Bianca Davri critical, Canon-Typical Violence, Dwarven Carta (Dragon Age), Dwarven Politics, F/M, Past Bianca Davri/Varric Tethras, The Merchant's Guild, Varric Tethras is a pushover though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:40:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26186563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/manka/pseuds/Cartadwarfwithaheartofgold
Summary: It happens like clockwork. First - Bianca Davri visits.Second - Carta assassins.This time, the rhythm feels a little different.
Relationships: Female Cadash/Varric Tethras, Female Inquisitor/Varric Tethras, Maria Cadash/Varric Tethras - Relationship
Series: How to Win a Losing Hand: One-Shots from the Love Story of Varric Tethras and Maria Cadash (Canon Dragon Age Setting) [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1896694
Comments: 4
Kudos: 15





	The Carta Will Kill Me Yet

Carta. 

The _fucking_ Carta. It was _always_ the Carta. Like clockwork, just like it always was. First, as usual, Bianca showed up trailing trouble and fluttering her lashes. 

Then, she left him holding a dustpan and a broom. _This_ time she didn’t even leave with a sweet goodbye kiss. _This_ time, she may well have damn left forever. Varric, oddly, wasn’t as bothered by that as he should have been.

What did bother him, honestly, was the final act of the repeating drama. The _damn_ Carta assassins that snuck into Skyhold like rats. He honestly hoped they could skip this step in the dance. Apparently, it wasn’t meant to be. He opened his bedroom door and saw the flash of steel just in time to twist his wrist and slam the heavy oak slab back on the would-be assassin’s wrist. It broke with a satisfying crack and a rather less-than-manly yelp. 

The second one threw a flask of Antivan fire, which was more troublesome. Varric sprung back into the room, his bad knee protesting vigorously, reminding him he was far too old for this tragic lovers shit. Still, he had the more reliable version of Bianca in his hands in a moment, ready to give a hello kiss to the second dwarf rolling through the door. One bolt, clean and simple, through the right eye. 

“Beautiful, baby.” He murmured affectionately. “That was _beautiful.”_

Limp-wrist rolled into the room over top his friend, bolt-in-the-eye. He still held one of his daggers, although Varric was pleased to see he didn’t try to pick up the second. Varric’s bolt just missed anything vital as the man threw himself to the left, knocking over the table just inside the door and spilling a pitcher of water all over the letters laying there. 

Well, honestly, it wasn’t like Varic was going to answer them anyway. 

His next bolt hit the mark, right through the heart, just in time to reveal the biggest and ugliest bastard they’d sent this time. This one used the body of the second as a shield, Varric’s third bolt thudding uselessly beside the second as the brute rushed forward. 

Then stopped, comically stunned. He dropped the body of his comrade, reaching up to grasp his throat, fingers slashing themselves on the pointed arrowhead through his artery. 

He too swayed, then dropped. Varric would never get the stench of cheap ale and blood out of his carpet. Behind him, Maria Cadash already had a second arrow she didn’t need strung. 

Thank Andraste they’d been preparing to set out for some Maker-forsaken desert today. She usually simply roamed with nothing but the dagger on her hip.

“There are Carta.” Maria stated, nose twitching with anger. “In my castle.” 

He shouldn’t have said it, but the words were out of his mouth before he could think them through. “I mean, there’s usually at least _one_.” 

His very own Carta princess drew herself up straighter, eyes flashing, and Varric winced. “You’re _far_ classier, though.” 

“Varric, _why_ are there Carta in my castle?” 

Oh _ancestors_ did he not want to answer that question. “Jealous. Probably. You started a trend. Got yourself a nice castle and now every duster with a chip on his shoulder…” 

“ _Varric_.” 

Her voice. Her damned voice and those silver eyes framed by wisps of red hair. She saw right through him, cut right through him, just like she always did. He dropped his gaze away, shrugging his shoulders. 

He thought they could move on without revisiting the past. Varric should have known better. He was trapped in the past and always would be. 

“Listen.” He began softly, praying she could already hear the remorse under his words. “I haven’t _exactly_ been truthful with you.” 

“Really?” Maria asked. “You’re joking. You, dishonest?” 

Ah. Sarcasm. Hello, old friend. 

“I… Bianca and I had a thing. A long time ago. And, well, sometimes the thing resumed and you know how dwarves are with their grudges.” 

She watched him warily as he struggled to find the words. “It… even though nothing happened. And I swear, _nothing_ happened, her family… her family found out. As they do. And they sent assassins.” 

“As they usually do?” Maria queried.

Varric shrugged. “You would think they’d finally spring for someone a bit better at this than the Carta, but they’re snobs. Wouldn’t want to pay a human the money.” 

“How many times?” Maria asked incredulously. Varric winced. 

“Bianca and I…” 

“No, not Bianca.” Maria waved the name away like a gnat. “I don’t give a nug’s ass about how many time you two explored the deep roads. How many assassination attempts?” 

Oh. Varric paused, considered. “Fourteen?” 

“Fourteen.” She repeated. “ _Her_ family tried to kill you _fourteen_ times and she sat on her ass?” 

“Princess, you know how clans…” 

“Bullshit.” Maria finally lowered her bow, crossed her arms over her chest. “If _my_ family tries to kill you, you bleedin’ try and kill them back. None of this ‘fourteen assassination attempts’ later fuckin’ around.” 

She turned on her heel. Varric wasn’t certain, because it didn’t make much sense, but he swore she muttered something about feeding Bianca _her_ eyeballs. 

Varric watched her go, torn between amusement, awe, and a wild, irrational blaze of lust. 

Kill ‘em back. The _fucking_ Carta, he swore to the Maker. They’d get him yet. 

**Author's Note:**

> Do you like dwarves? Me too! Check it out at [@cartadwarfwithaheartofgold](http://cartadwarfwithaheartofgold.tumblr.com)


End file.
